Ok. Let's be honest. Who has the time to plan ANYTHING these days?
As a parent, your schedule is jam-packed with school projects, sports, extracurricular activities, family outings, etc. You're lucky you can keep up with the critical things on your schedule...let alone have time to sit down and figure out who is going to take care of all those things you take care of everyday as a parent. I mean, seriously....it's not like it's a life or death decision, right?
Wait...hold on...let's think about this a moment.
If the parents aren't around...who is going to pick up the schedule and make sure your kids are safe, fed, sheltered, and make it to all those important activities in their lives? Well then...I guess IT IS a life or death decision...right? So, we've established that it's important for a parent to figure out who gets the kids if they, as we like to say in the South, "pass," now what? How in the heck do you figure out who gets these kids? Or perhaps you and your spouse/partner can't come to an agreement about who gets the kids.
Let me tell you something about choosing a guardian for your precious little bundles of joy: DO SOMETHING. If you do nothing, the decision about who would raise your children (if something were to happen to you) would be left up to a judge to decide. A judge...who doesn’t know you, doesn’t know what’s important to you, and doesn’t know your children...will make all the decisions about who cares for the people who are most important to you in the world. I know that’s not what you want.
And, truth is …there may never be a perfect solution for you, but there is definitely a solution that is better than your children being raised by someone you didn’t choose. Perhaps you think the way so many parents do: “If we avoid talking about or planning for it, it will never happen, right?”
Guys, I am an estate planner...and a probate attorney. I hear, every week, from families of the deceased...half of whom never fail to mention that the deceased didn't even have a clue that their time was up on this Earth. No one knows when they are going to buy a ticket off this planet.
Yes, it's a morbid subject...one no one wants to actually talk about. However, responsible parents protect their children, and that means you must think about the unthinkable. Fortunately, you don't have to make it more complicated than it actually is.
First, sit down with your spouse or significant other and draw up a list of all potential people you would be willing to have raise your children. Don’t judge anyone on the list or even consider whether they would be willing. Just make as long a list as you can of all the people you know who you know, like and trust that your children know, like and trust. It can be helpful if each of you and your parenting partner make these lists separately and then compare notes later. Then, put your list(s) aside.
Now, make a list of your most important values when it comes to raising your children. Things to consider: prior relationship with your children, education level, discipline philosophy or parenting style.
Guys, I will say this to anyone making that list: keep money out of this list. Under no circumstances would you want to consider the financial resources of the people you are considering because it’s up to YOU to provide enough financial resources for your children and the people you’ve named as their guardians. You alone should be making sure that there is an insurance policy, investments, SOMETHING to provide for your kids if you're gone. NOT your potential guardians.
Finally, rank your values and compare those values to your list of potential guardians and put each of those people (or couples) in order first, second and third. Once you have your list, check it against these practical considerations:
• Does your child know them? Ideally, your guardian selection will be someone your child already knows and trusts.
• Do they live close by? It is probably not ideal to uproot your children from their local community if you can help it.
• Do they share your values? You will want to choose someone who can raise your children with the same values and beliefs that you would.
• How old are they? Choosing an elderly person as guardian could mean that your children could lose them too at a tender age.
• Do they already have a family? If your choice as guardian already has children of their own, would your children blend in well with their family?
• Are they willing to take on the responsibility? Hopefully the person you choose as guardian would welcome the responsibility, but not everyone does. Be sure you have a candid conversation with them before you name them as guardian. Don't spring this one on someone...who only finds out they are the guardians of your kids AFTER you're gone.
FINALLY, DOCUMENT YOUR CHOICES, LEGALLY AND CLEARLY.
Get it in writing, and make sure that your documents will hold up in court.
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